5225
& those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music
had.
i wish i had someone to talk to
realllllly talk to.
my heart desires
one of those amazing connections
that leave as quickly as they arrive.
one minute you're in a living room
with 3 other people
the next thing you know
the tv is static & VERY loud
everyone else has either gone to bed
or fallen asleep on the sofa's
and chairs...
a couple hours passed, people passed us by,
the movie played out its ending & we
just got lost somewhere between here and there.
what an awesome natural high
the buzz
that
leaves you
emotionally wanting
more, more, more & more.
realllllly talk to.
my heart desires
one of those amazing connections
that leave as quickly as they arrive.
one minute you're in a living room
with 3 other people
the next thing you know
the tv is static & VERY loud
everyone else has either gone to bed
or fallen asleep on the sofa's
and chairs...
a couple hours passed, people passed us by,
the movie played out its ending & we
just got lost somewhere between here and there.
what an awesome natural high
the buzz
that
leaves you
emotionally wanting
more, more, more & more.
Prophet
"...i ain't no prophet don't wanna cure no damn disease, would ya marry me anyways if I was on my knees"
[Sublime/Slightly Stoopid]
every once in a while it seems that every drop of human connection boils down to a text message. it's ok though, when you are being the best you can be in every single moment.
when you're being mindful.
no, i am not necessarily where i want to be in my life - or would EVER want to be in my life, or any life for that matter but...
there are still these moments that take me over - when i become fully aware that i'm doing the absolute best i can. they break down the barriers for a little while. those moments light up & then burn out so quickly.
in those moments that are few and really far between, i realize it's ok that i'm not everything i had planned to be, plans are overrated anyway. i dunno. doing the best you can is one thing, but being motivated to achieve your dreams or to even stop thinking for two seconds that i can't do it. i'm scared of failure. it's like this demon of doubt. i wish all of my moments were the ones that supported who i feel that i am on the inside.
...another note, "i cleaned your house" ...."it's not your house, it's mine and i don't want you cleaning it"...."sorry"
oh and you're welcome for the birthday gifts you fucking jerk. superior attitude. not to mention midlife crisis, hello? it's a tornado of dirty socks, wet carpet, expensive everything & 8 bags of lack of care, twirl twirl.
as for you mister redneck talking genius, i wish you'd stop acting so super nice to me, almost all but coming on to me & then running your yap saying opposite things. good lord. we're not in high school anymore. you live with her now. i live here. we share the amazing sunshine. that's all. not that he isn't everything, but it's everything that we share. k? it's not ever going to go back even if we both wanted it to and that sucks on so many different levels. "can i speak to j, i have a rear end for him to set up" that just sounds wrong.
i wish i could buy a life path at the store. or at least pick one out and know i could have it and try it on to see if it fits. you have to earn it right right...but how can you earn it if you're not sure what it is you should be doing so you can start earning it.
it.
i.
i and i.
sometimes i can be so self centered and completely without creativity...
it all boils down to a text message.
[Sublime/Slightly Stoopid]
every once in a while it seems that every drop of human connection boils down to a text message. it's ok though, when you are being the best you can be in every single moment.
when you're being mindful.
no, i am not necessarily where i want to be in my life - or would EVER want to be in my life, or any life for that matter but...
there are still these moments that take me over - when i become fully aware that i'm doing the absolute best i can. they break down the barriers for a little while. those moments light up & then burn out so quickly.
in those moments that are few and really far between, i realize it's ok that i'm not everything i had planned to be, plans are overrated anyway. i dunno. doing the best you can is one thing, but being motivated to achieve your dreams or to even stop thinking for two seconds that i can't do it. i'm scared of failure. it's like this demon of doubt. i wish all of my moments were the ones that supported who i feel that i am on the inside.
...another note, "i cleaned your house" ...."it's not your house, it's mine and i don't want you cleaning it"...."sorry"
oh and you're welcome for the birthday gifts you fucking jerk. superior attitude. not to mention midlife crisis, hello? it's a tornado of dirty socks, wet carpet, expensive everything & 8 bags of lack of care, twirl twirl.
as for you mister redneck talking genius, i wish you'd stop acting so super nice to me, almost all but coming on to me & then running your yap saying opposite things. good lord. we're not in high school anymore. you live with her now. i live here. we share the amazing sunshine. that's all. not that he isn't everything, but it's everything that we share. k? it's not ever going to go back even if we both wanted it to and that sucks on so many different levels. "can i speak to j, i have a rear end for him to set up" that just sounds wrong.
i wish i could buy a life path at the store. or at least pick one out and know i could have it and try it on to see if it fits. you have to earn it right right...but how can you earn it if you're not sure what it is you should be doing so you can start earning it.
it.
i.
i and i.
sometimes i can be so self centered and completely without creativity...
it all boils down to a text message.
No replies - reply
love rules me
i met my worstest flaw face to face today. my arch nemesis, nagging but not ever giving me a glimpse into it's FACE. I must have snuck up around the back because
now
i
know
why
i am the way i am
realization is like
a knife in the chest sometimes.
always in adversity
backwards driving sideways
struggling not to struggle
living in a cloud of dust
that hope probably left behind...
it's because...
i LET LoVE Rule mE.
now
i
know
why
i am the way i am
realization is like
a knife in the chest sometimes.
always in adversity
backwards driving sideways
struggling not to struggle
living in a cloud of dust
that hope probably left behind...
it's because...
i LET LoVE Rule mE.
No replies - reply
it's coming out
it's coming from every pore in my body, from the core of my earthly being & the being beyond all of this "stuff"...
brilliant beautiful thoughts and ideas all twisting up and wrapping around one another making this gigantic tapestry that i wear like a cloak that only the blind can see...they want out, they want to be shared...at least written down. Last night I think I was hallucinating. I'm pretty sure that I was. I kept seeing a dark figure in a hood in every corner.
Once I saw a flock of birds fly away from the ground & then back down again, all from the corner of my eye & all extremely fast, kind of like a flash. How can I know my own psychosis. What a pain that is. I think I could live in blissful ignorance's house for a while.
Anyway, today when the argument broke out I was completely terrified.
He jumped up off of the chair, he was basically on his tip toes to lean over me, tower over me, like some animal trying to prove their dominance...shove it around like ten stacks of freshly packed hundred dollar bills like it means something. His teeth were clenched and he talked through them calling me everything that I don't stand for, and ending it with bitch. More than once, or twice even. She said "don't call my mom a bitch again" and he lunged at her. I was standing behind her, she stepped wayyyyy back to avoid him but he got so close in her face I think their noses were about to touch. She leaned back away from him, also in fear, ...but something came over me and slapped him over her shoulder and told him not to dare touch her. He came unglued so I pushed her aside and told her to dial 911 - he started laughing. I had HER phone in my hand, if I didn't SCREAM "this is her phone" he would have totally smashed the hell out of it. (Speaking from experience, take it from me, girl) I saw a light bulb appear over his head, full of realization that someone more than "us" would know what a fucking asshole he truly is.
I have to get out of here.
brilliant beautiful thoughts and ideas all twisting up and wrapping around one another making this gigantic tapestry that i wear like a cloak that only the blind can see...they want out, they want to be shared...at least written down. Last night I think I was hallucinating. I'm pretty sure that I was. I kept seeing a dark figure in a hood in every corner.
Once I saw a flock of birds fly away from the ground & then back down again, all from the corner of my eye & all extremely fast, kind of like a flash. How can I know my own psychosis. What a pain that is. I think I could live in blissful ignorance's house for a while.
Anyway, today when the argument broke out I was completely terrified.
He jumped up off of the chair, he was basically on his tip toes to lean over me, tower over me, like some animal trying to prove their dominance...shove it around like ten stacks of freshly packed hundred dollar bills like it means something. His teeth were clenched and he talked through them calling me everything that I don't stand for, and ending it with bitch. More than once, or twice even. She said "don't call my mom a bitch again" and he lunged at her. I was standing behind her, she stepped wayyyyy back to avoid him but he got so close in her face I think their noses were about to touch. She leaned back away from him, also in fear, ...but something came over me and slapped him over her shoulder and told him not to dare touch her. He came unglued so I pushed her aside and told her to dial 911 - he started laughing. I had HER phone in my hand, if I didn't SCREAM "this is her phone" he would have totally smashed the hell out of it. (Speaking from experience, take it from me, girl) I saw a light bulb appear over his head, full of realization that someone more than "us" would know what a fucking asshole he truly is.
I have to get out of here.
No replies - reply
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